I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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