So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
