She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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