and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
