if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
