Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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