I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
