Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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