dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
