he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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