your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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