maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
