My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
