6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
