We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
