he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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