i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
