you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
