Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
