Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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