I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
