the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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