so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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