Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
