I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So vagazzling was a success
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
