your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
