Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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