I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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