worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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