Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
