Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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