Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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