dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
