I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
