remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
