you guys were way drunker than both of me
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
