She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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