i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
