Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
