He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
