you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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