I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
