he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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