I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
