how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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