She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
