I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
