I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
time to smoke my breakfast
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
