you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
