the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You pole danced in your parka.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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