You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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