oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
