Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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