and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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