So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize