She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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