I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
